Ho, Ho, Holy Shit I Spent Too Much This Xmas!

Pretty self-explanatory…

If you’ve spent too much money this holiday season, here are some tips for staying on track next year!

· My personal fave, Tip 1: Tally up how much you spent and divide it by 12. This is how much you might consider saving each month in preparation for next year’s festivities.

· Tip 2: Make a shopping list and check it twice. Write it down, you got this!! People, $ amounts, month that the money is needed. Future planning is more fun when it saves you time, energy, and money…trust me. #Adulting.

· Tip 3: Have any gifts or items at home that are pretty awesome but you don’t use or need them? Re-gift (with common sense, of course).

If you’re considering a New Year’s resolution to watch your spending a little more closely, good for you! Don’t view this resolution as restrictive! Thorough money planning may actually lead to more money, or at least more purposeful spending…aka more happiness. Yay!

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

Let’s Make 2018 Look Even Better!

Looks like we’re finishing up 2017 with stocks roaring to record highs… why fix what’s not broken? As stocks rise (or fall), our portfolios have an increased likelihood of getting out of whack. Thus, tip #1 as we head into the new year is to review your asset allocation. As an example, you may have started the year with an 80% stock/20% bonds portfolio and as stocks have risen you may now be even more aggressively imbalanced at 90% stocks.

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Football Season!

Patriots disappointed…
tons of college games today…
and the NFL season starts tomorrow for most teams!!!

That means it’s time for a checklist…

-Chips and salsa
-Burgers and hotdogs

Just like you have a checklist for the big game, you should have a checklist for your life [& financial life!]. To help find your zen and use your relaxation time to actually relax…try adding more organization to help keep your life in order! Checklists / to-do lists can have soooo many benefits.

I’m not saying you have to cross every item off your checklist…but hey, start by actually making a checklist. Once you have a checklist, you can add detail to the list by setting some time-frames and scheduling them into your calendar.

NFL kickoff is my zen! It’ll feel much better watching the games with an organized to-do list to help keep me smooth sailing. Use whatever works best for you… maybe a phone, notepad, or a calendar. And remember, a short pencil often works better than a long memory. Move that weight from your mind and shoulders to a piece of paper, add timelines, and conquer!

You can bet your LIFE on it…

Why is life insurance important? Great question! Life insurance is important because it covers our assets and our asses. Life insurance protects you and your family from unforeseen death, loss of income, etc.

Life insurance should be applied uniquely to individuals based on their current income and needs, while also accounting for future goals. The #1 problem to avoid with life insurance is imperfect fit: buying too much, too little, or the wrong type.

Remember: the CORRECT life insurance policy is BOUGHT, not SOLD. Don’t make a costly mistake… here’s what you should know before you go:
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Fun Money

Heck yeah I spend money on fantasy football, sports equipment, travel, desserts, and gifts – you should too! Fun money is just as important as any other budgeted money category, right? Right!

Fun money helps to keep your life balanced. Your fun money could be used for anything that your heart desires…

Are you using yours wisely?!

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Financial Security

How To Be Secure In Your Own Finances
I feel pretty financially secure… maybe it’s because I have no debt. Maybe it’s because IDGAF about what others think. Instead of paying others (debts owed), I pay myself (savings). My only phone calls are from family and friends, which is how I prefer to live! I became secure when I determined what made me happiest – with no desire to drive my money, live in my money, or show-off with my money. By definition, financial security is how much peace of mind you have that your income will cover your expenses, emergencies, and goals.

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Stick It Out!

Mortgages & Long-Term Investing:
*Sexy Alert: you will always save money on interest payments over the course of a 15 year mortgage versus a 30 year mortgage. Now, let’s look at the options of investing and paying down your mortgage!
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Debt Payoff Vs. Investing

Debt Blows!
Debt is a ticking time bomb!





Shit… Read more

How Does Your Selfie Really Look?

ME-llennial Mistakes To Avoid
You don’t need a shiny crystal ball to forecast your exact future. But, you will benefit from a little planning so that you can better position yourself for flexibility to achieve your dreams while minimizing your risks.

The millennial generation is said to be self-absorbed, so start acting like it by taking care of yourself. Maximize your potential and minimize your regrets. Regrets? You know, like that one night in college when… ok we won’t go there. Read more

4 Years of Partying…Part II

Student Loan Debt
You are probably close friends [or enemies] with student loans if you’ve hit that 4th year, 5th year…or maybe 6th year of college. Unlike Vegas, what happens at college often stays with you for over 10 years – not ideal.

So, what’s worse than graduating with the average student loan debt of ~$30,000? Answer: paying an additional $5,000-$10,000 of student loan interest. Here’s how you avoid this…

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Double D’s? How About Double C’s…

Double C’s (Credit Cards):
Double D’s are nice, tough argument. But, nothing gets me as excited as my cash back double C’s (credit cards). With so many credit card choices, it may be difficult to determine (1) if credit cards are right for you and (2) which one you should use!

Whether your preference is cash, points, or some mix and match… you need to know that YOU WIN when you’re in control. The CREDIT CARD COMPANY WINS most of the time, which is why they’re in business. So I’ll repeat, you must be in control. I don’t care how enticing the rewards program is, you will not benefit if you can’t consistently pay off your credit card debt on time. So…how do YOU win?!

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Getting It Up (Viagra For Your Credit Score)

Credit Scores…
Viagra for your credit isn’t something to be ashamed of, especially if you have trouble keeping it up. Unfortunately, your credit score impacts common loans that you may likely apply for throughout your life – think mortgages and auto loans. How would you like to save $50,000?

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Balls Deep (Hitting Financial Home Runs)

Balls Deep [Hitting Financial Home Runs, Of Course]
We’ll finish strong with short-term and long-term goals, arguably the most important aspect of being a successful CEO. Are you ready to go balls deep? Well, before we start swinging for the fences, let’s round the bases. Read more

Sexual Education Part I

Sex Ed Class Pt I [CEO Lessons]
Remember the Sexual Education assembly in your middle school gymnasium? Well, I do. Worst. Fucking. Assembly. Ever. Whether you’re talking about the birds and the bees or the P’s and the V’s, the purpose of sexual education is to know what the hell is going on here and why. If school never truly taught you how to budget, how to invest, or how to live your financial life, then we have some work to do.

Dirty Little Action Steps:
1: R.E.L.A.X.- whenever you’re overwhelmed with the complexities of your finances, it’s okay to relax and take a step back.

2: Goals Partner- Just like you turned to your friend to make jokes when you were uncomfortable at the assembly, it can be beneficial to have a goals partner – someone you can talk things through with.

Dirty Little Secret:
Remember, as the CEO, your job is to set goals and make slow, steady improvements. Unlike the bar down the road, you don’t just “get lucky” in finance. But, the good news is that you choose when you want your “financial magic” to happen because it starts with your everyday choices. And, it always has.

70’s Bush (Debt)

70’s Bush [Debt]
Are you fuckin’ kidding me? You have never heard of 70’s bush?! Do yourself a favor and google that shit (actually, you probably shouldn’t…). 70’s bush is what your debt looks like, pretty sweet huh? Times are changing and the world is evolving, so quit living in the past and quit being gross. Shave your pubes, cut your debt. Debt is a thing of the past, and so is your dick if it’s living in a rain forest.

Dirty Little Action Steps:
1: List all your debt (amount of debt + associated interest rate)

2: Look at your 70’s bush, just fucking look at it, we’re going to shave that off!

3: Create your debt payoff plan (math versus behavior…below)

4: Once it’s gone, your free cash flow is going up on a Tuesday

Dirty Little Secret:
If you’re a smart little fucker, then math shows that paying off your highest interest rate items first will save you money. If you have trouble paying off debt, then try the behavioral route and pay off your smallest debts first to gain momentum. Once you pay off one debt, then pay off the next smallest debt. Repeat, win. Don’t forget, it’s YOUR job to keep your bush trimmed. That. Shit. Wants. To. Grow. Back. Don’t. Let. It.

Baby Got Back

Baby Got Back [Love Your Assets]
Big, voluptuous, firm, and juicy asses are getting tons of attention online and in the modeling world. So, it’s safe to say that these asses are huge assets. When it comes to assets, liabilities, and cash flow – you need to get in the game and know what you’re working with as soon as possible! No, I don’t want you to post your ass or assets online…although I’m always excited to see pictures of firm, juicy assets. The goal here is to get your assets in shape.

Dirty Little Action Steps:
1: Once your budget is complete, you can determine free cash flow (income – expenses = free cash flow)

2: Give your free cash flow a JOB, and then it can go to WORK for Y.O.U.

3: Create SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timed) goals for your cash flow. Examples may be related to paying off x, y, and z debts, increasing investments by x%, or saving 3-6 months of expenses as an emergency fund.

Dirty Little Secret:

  • Assets are things that have value and are beneficial to Y.O.U. (ie: cash, stocks, bonds, paid off car, paid off house…)
  • Liabilities [debts] are obligations that we owe money on (ie: credit card debt, car debt, taxes). The reason you don’t see school or mortgage debt in either category is because it can be argued that reasonable amounts of school debt and housing debt are not necessarily BAD. In general, we want to reduce our debt by putting our free cash flow to work.

Cash Flow is how much cash flows through your hands each month. Having a plan means that you will SEE the money, and then give it a JOB and put it to WORK for you. As you reduce your debt, your cash flow will likely increase (ie: credit card 1 had $1,000 balance, $50 min. payment. Once that is paid off, then you will have $50 per month to WORK for other JOBS).

Blow Jobs (Budgets)

Everyone says I should start with a bang, but I’d honestly rather start with a Sexy Budget, mmm!

Blow Jobs [Are An Art, So Is Your Financial Life]
Blow jobs are 100% subjective – you get the idea of the complexity here. Just like blow jobs, your financial life and your budget are an art. No one knows what they like until they try a few different things – just like a budget! Stop going online to the 50/30/20% budget breakdowns, stop reading about 10% allocations for this, that, and the other, and start being the CEO of Y.O.U..

You are in charge of your life, needs, wants, goals, and cash flow. Figuring out what kind of blow job YOU want out of life is hugely important – today, tomorrow, this year, and for the rest of your life.

Dirty Little Action Steps:
1: THINK about it. What do you want? What will you regret not going after if tomorrow is your last? When you’re 70 and have your “Wall of Fame”, what will be the biggest accomplishment on your wall?

2: I encourage you to get crazy, step out of your comfort zone, and try to find the passion that is going to drive you to conquer your budget – because that passion does exist. You just need a better WHY.

3: Don’t think of a budget as a prison sentence, because it doesn’t constrict you. If followed, a budget will likely help you have MORE money to enjoy as you pursue your needs, wants, and goals.

Dirty Little Secret:
I like my blow jobs exactly how I like my budget updates – daily

Being CEO of Y.O.U.

Being CEO of Y.O.U.
Let’s take a 20-year snapshot of your life. In this example, you make $50,000 per year. Congratulations, you’re the CEO of Y.O.U…. You are in charge of a $1M, yes 1 fucking million dollar operation. If $1M doesn’t make your balls or pussy tingle, then feel around down there and make sure everything’s still functioning. Here’s the problem as the CEO, the only thing you know is the difference between a dick and a set of balls. So, it’s time to grab life by the pussy and make the CEO of Y.O.U. great again.

In order to do this, we must look at the bigger picture and develop achievable goals with meaningful action steps. Ultimately, this will help us set and improve our financial behavior and foundation. There is a lot to learn, but don’t worry, we’ll break down the categories so you don’t choke on them like a dick. But, just know that we have a lot to learn about ourselves and how everything works together here at Y.O.U. corporation.

Missionary (Overview Of The Basics):
-Behavior, Motivation, Needs, Wants, Goals
-Budgets (Assets, Liabilities, Free Cash Flow)
-Emergency Fund
-Work Benefits & Insurance
-Goal Planning
-Retirement & Investments

Will You Tell Me Where To Invest?
No. I don’t know when a specific stock or the stock market will go up or down, but I do know that it will go up and down. That’s why I want you to focus on what you can control – improving yourself and your actions. I’m teaching you the methods I’ve used because I know they will help you in the long run, if you stick with the plan. If and when the market drops (whether it’s 10% or another recession), there’s no need to panic. Instead, we’ll just keep focusing on self-improvement and our structured plan. If you can do this for 1 year then you’ll start to see and build your financial foundation. If you can do this for 30 years then you will give yourself the best opportunity to WIN. This process has helped me reduce stress, go after my passion in life, and increase my likelihood of an early retirement. A strong financial foundation is the best gift I’ve given myself and my future family – I’m excited to share it with you!